Repentance Replants

Fear and faith.  Powerful emotions.  I allow them to play tug-of-war in my mind.  I am ashamed to admit, at times, I feed the fear instead of the faith.  I have been having a particular health issue for many months.  I have had several tests and a surgery and yet the problem persisted.  I let the fear take root, and the roots grew deeper.  I had yet another surgical procedure on May 31st.  I was awakened by the nurse warning me to call right away on the results of the biopsy they had taken from the mass that was removed.  The fog of anesthesia was still thick and murky. 

Do not wait until you hear from them, call in three days.  Do you have children?
Yes, I have three sons. 
Please, you must realize the importance of this, the urgency of this.  Call soon.  You must take care of yourself. 
The roots of fear dug deeper still. 
You will be be seeing this surgery room often.  
High risk, high risk, high risk.

The nurses firm warnings replayed in my mind over and over while waiting the three days to call for the results.  Faith kept trying to knock, but my fear would not let her in.  The call came when the boys and I were running errands.  The tears begin to fall, fear's roots lost hold when I hear the pathologists report.  Avery can not handle my tears.  Ever.  Is it the cancer, Mom?  Has it come back?  Unable to speak, I shook my head NO!!  We had a time of thanksgiving in the van, while I quickly called Clark, my parents and in-laws to tell them the good news.

I went back to my doctor today for a re-check from the procedure.  He was so happy with the good report.  I was scared for you, but didn't want your husband to know. 
It did not look good. 
Too large, too much blood. 
So soon to have trouble from the last surgery. 
I should have been giving you bad news today, but I am happy to give good news!

Tonight I am spending time with the Lord, asking for forgiveness for my doubts.  Thanking Him that grace and mercy stand waiting when I let fear dig deep, asking Him to replant faith firmly in my life. 
May it grow strong and true, regardless of the winds that may blow.