Wash, Dry, Fold, Repeat

Confession:  I am a highly unorganized person during the summer months.  It gets better once school starts, but the struggle is real.  I walked into my niece's house yesterday on a non-planned visit.  It was spotless. She is a much busier mama than me.  Like me, she has 4 kiddos.  I often use my four as an excuse, but after being at Amy's all of my excuses deflated.  SPOTLESS.  I was impressed and guilty.  I walked into my own house, and decided that it was time to get out of the summer slump.

  

My biggest enemy is laundry.  Seriously. We are not friends.  I was scanning Pinterest for some laundry pins for this post.  

One of my favorites is..."Sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel, but that would only make more laundry for me!" 

There were several spiritual quotes scattered among the laundry quotes.  I decided they were there, because laundry is truly of the devil.  Other "pinners" realize this also.  

I do have a laundry schedule that I ATTEMPT to keep during the school year.  It really does help.  I thought I would share in case any of you have the same struggle. 

It took me several attempts to perfect this schedule.  It depends on each of your family members and when they will need particular clothes at particular times.  Each number equals one load.

  

SUNDAY -          1.Jeans   2.Large towels

MONDAY -        1.Clark's clothes    2.All whites      3.Boys clothes 

TUESDAY -        1.Wash cloths/hand towels      2. My clothes     3. Isa's clothes

WEDNESDAY - 1.  School uniforms ONLY (this is usually 2 loads because I do Isa's separate from boys)

THURSDAY -     1.Boy's clothes     2.Combo of all towels

FRIDAY -           1. Clark's clothes     2.  Sports & Gym uniforms

SATURDAY -     1. Washcloths/hand towels      2.Whites  3.Misc(blankets, sheets)

I also have one other rule for myself when attempting to keep this schedule.  The laundry that I do MUST be folded/hung and put away before I can go to bed that night. Whew.  At times, this is flexible.  For example, Sometimes on Mondays I can combine Clark's & boys clothes into one load, depending on what they did over the weekend.  And, I often have to do towels more than what is on the schedule.  

Perhaps this will motivate me to get back into my Laundry Schedule now that I have shared it with all of you.

I might have to go to Amy's again today for more motivation.  

Making A Declaration!

Tomorrow, along with the rest of the United States, we celebrate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence.  Thirteen small, insignificant colonies DECLARED freedom from Great Britain, a mighty world power in 1776. They didn't just earn, gain, or achieve freedom, but they DECLARED it.  

The definition of declare is to make known, state CLEARLY, to announce officially, to PROCLAIM!

It means to state emphatically, to manifest, reveal, to SHOW!  

There are many things that I need to DECLARE freedom from in my life.  There are things  that I need to state CLEARLY to my doubts,  many burdens that I need to PROCLAIM a release from, and many miracles that I need to believe will be manifested in my life.

There is power in DECLARATION!

I found this little tidbit of patriotism in Landry's 3rd grade journal.  

I Love America!

America rules!  I think that America's Army is amazing and awesome.  I am glad that Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence.  I'm glad that I live in America.  One day I hope to get all of the quarters for the 50 states.  George Washington was a great leader and president.  If George Washington had not crossed the Delaware we probably would knot have the state of Virginia.  America is the best country because of the army, freedom of worship, and the freedom of speech.  George Washington and Abraham Lincoln will never be forgotten!  Wahoooooooooooooooo!  

By:  Landry Presson

Ahhh, that boy.  He makes me smile!  I also LOVE the 4th of July because it is my birthday!  Tomorrow, I will be 41.  Wow!  I would love to declare freedom from gray hair and wrinkles, but I think I need to learn to love them!  Happy 4th of July!

Facebook Sermons

Ahh, Facebook...a friend and enemy all rolled into one. Some days...enemy, only because I allow it to be a time-stealer. Other days...friend.  I often find uplifting and inspiring thoughts in my news feed.

Last week, these two tidbits were the first to pop up on an especially trying day.  I grabbed my old-fashioned pen & paper and copied them.  I taped them to my kitchen cabinets to help remind me.

This was written by Sis. Shara Mckee (I received her permission to share it with you.)

Be nice.
Believe the best.
Don't talk behind people's back.
Be enthusiastic, smile, choose joy!
Snap out of your mood, try to refute your negative ways!
Avoid public whining and certainly don't use profanity.
Give as much affirmation as you seek.
Talk to people outside of your circle.
Quit avoiding the hard chores and choices.
Turn off the news and play inspiring music or preaching.
Sing whenever possible!
Talk about how it is going to work out and be alright, instead of insisting the sky is falling!
Forgive, forget, remember your own debt.
Be humble, be loyal, be selfless, and be fun.
If you say you're a Christian, act like one.
If you have a ministry, invest in it, don't slop through it.
Strive for excellence...and passion...enjoy your LIFE!

Such good stuff!  Simple, but yet I sometimes forget.  I have been focusing on a few of these in my personal life, and it makes a difference!

I found this tidbit of wisdom underneath Sis. McKee's.

There's nothing easier than loving "people" in general.  
Anyone can do that. 
But loving that specific person in front of you, 
the one who makes you angry, 
who's hard to take, 
or who can't do anything for you?
That's a miracle!
....Brandt Hanson - favorite radio host of my boys

More good stuff! Think about it awhile.  Miracles still happen.

Boys 2 Men

I feel I really "get" boys.  I have had quite a bit of experience.  When boys are little they can be overwhelming.  They fight, get dirty regardless of what you threaten them with, they jump - all the time, break bones frequently, do things in the backyard that they should do in the bathroom, and the list goes on.  And 30 seconds later they are no longer 4 years old, but 16.  Suddenly, they are MEN, and as a mom you can't help but feel crazy proud.  

Two of those crazy proud moments that I don't want to ever forget happened today.

I dropped Avery off in the heart of the Smokey Mountains with his cousin, Drew.  We needed to stop first to get him some pain meds.  I pulled into a mountain gas station.  For those of you that live around here, you will know these places have plenty of "personality."  A few of the local men were hanging around the front door.  Avery told me that he would go in for the medicine.  I said no, since I knew just what to look for, and we were running late (shock).  He said, "Mom, there is no way I will let you go in a place like this by yourself!"  So, my handsome, blond bodyguard and I ran in for the Advil - together.  Yep, I love him.

Later, I was in the busy mountain metropolis of Pigeon Forge with Riley and the 2 littles.  The tourists were driving like they were in New York City.  Evidently, vacation mode had not set in.  Riley made sure that his sister and I were walking closer to the bridge, while he walked between the traffic and us.  My heart melted. 

Although the teen years are not always full of pure pleasantness, there are many unforgettable moments. Like today.  My niece, Leslie, once told me the Lord gave me all of these boys because I am the type of person that needs someone to take care of me.  Lol - I couldn't agree  more!  My teen boys will soon be taking care of some other lady, so I am going to enjoy it as long as I can!

The above pics were taken on Mother's Day.  Told the boys all that I wanted from them that day was a Mom selfie!  :)

Broadening Borders

Life is changing around this house!  Avery now has his drivers licence!  I get such an odd feeling when he asks for the keys.  The first time that he and Riley drove off, I seriously had one of those TV commercial moments when you see the child instead of the teen.  I felt like I was watching my 9 and 6 year old drive off, complete with thick glasses, crew cuts, and cowlicks.  It was definitely a mom moment.  Yesterday, Isabella asked me why I always let Avery drive and not Riley.  I explained that Riley was not yet ready.  Landry interrupted with, "Actually, MOM is not ready yet."  He is correct.  One boy at a time.  My worries and nervousness are increased with Avery's latest health issues. It gives a new meaning to the phrase, "Let go, and let God!"  I will admit that I am happy to be in control of all aspects of my children's lives.  Mom's of little ones have that comfort.  Mom's of teens do not.  The song by Hillsong United with the phrase..."spirit lead me where my trust is without borders..." has played through my mind for days.  When a child gains freedom their borders broaden, and my trust for their safety must broaden also.  It is hard mom stuff!  

The rest of this post has nothing to do with driving, but it does have to do with Avery, and TRUSTING.  I recently found this article concerning Addison's disease.  It is very eye opening to how my son feels much of the time.  Although, he is veeeerrrryyyyy good at hiding it!  I have spent hours upon hours researching all that I can find about Addison's.  It is such an uncommon disease.  I am so thankful when I run across something that helps me to understand it better.  It is lengthy, but I thought I would share it.  I was unable to give credit to the author, because I can not find her name.  

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing. As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Addisons and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Addisons. She came to the doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know? I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing it, and didn’t seemed satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Addisons. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick. As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity? I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try. At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; I grabbed spoons off of the other tables too. I looked her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Addisons”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands. I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Addisons, being in control. She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become? I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Addisons. I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ”No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too”. I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her another spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this. I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, because when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me. We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night. When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all. I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. The "before" kind of lifestyle is the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”. After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.” Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Addisons, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.

I thought this was a fantastic way to describe some of the things Avery goes through.  However, it does not tell the part about where the Lord's protection and renewed strength is given to Avery.  It does not tell of the miracle that we are believing takes place in his body each day, and it fails to mention that the Lord's supply of spoons are endless!  Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders!

"Our" girl turns 7 today.

I am thinking about you today.  We are strangers, yet share such a gift.  You gave birth to our girl.  I know from bits and pieces of paper work that you loved her, and I'm sure that you love her still. Our girl turns 7 today.  The mother's heart in me knows that you are thinking of her, remembering the events of the special day she came into this world.  She often questions me about you.  I do not have many answers and probably never will.  There is a place in her heart that will always long for you, as I know you long for her.

She is such a pretty girl.  She has big brown eyes that takes in every detail of what is going on around her. Our girl is an amazing reader.  Her penmanship is pure perfection.  She loves pretty, sparkely things. Neatness is a must in her world.  Everything has to be in perfect order at all times, or she feels like all will fall apart.  She is still tiny, but can eat like you would not believe.  Her laugh is cute and girly.  Her things are very important to her.  I always wanted a girly girl, and she is just that. She loves God.  I listen to her pray, and I'm amazed. She finds joy in her Bible, and treasures the words she reads there.  Her singing voice is beautiful, and I believe she has true talent.  She has lost two teeth this year, and can't wait to lose her next one. 

I wasn't there seven years ago.  I was not the first one to look into her soft brown eyes, or hear her first cries.  I never changed her diapers or fed her a bottle.  Our heart connection was not made in those first few moments of life.  But, I do thank you for being there.  I thank you for making the hard choices that you made by putting her needs above your own, and for letting go.  You have given her more than you can ever imagine. I pray for peace for you today as the two of us celebrate the life of "our" girl.  May she always know how much she is loved by both of her mamas.  

Unmasked

I am interrupting Riley's 13 Memories with an end of the year/New Year blog.  I have promised myself that I am going to finish them SOON!  Perhaps they will be one of my many New Year's Goals!

Christmas is over.  We had a wonderful one.  Now, like most of you, I am thinking back over the old year and looking towards this new one.  January is always refreshing.  I can honestly say that some of my most memorable spiritual experiences have happened in the cold month of January.

I am not posting this post to facebook.  I have a feeling it is going to be a bit open and very REAL.  I really have no desire to share it with my facebook world, but if someone stumbles across it in my blog world, then I pray it will minister to you. 

I am removing my mask in this post.  The mask that I like to keep in place, so everyone thinks I have it all together.  I must admit that I am good at wearing my mask.  I let it slip off in front of very few people.  I had to duct tape, staple, and at times, super glue it into place in the year of 2013.

There is one place that I do not wear my mask and that is in my home.  I have spent more time in my home in the past year than ever.  There were many days that I was mentally unable to leave, other than to take the kids to and from school.  Seriously.  Just the thought of facing others seemed too overwhelming.  One thing I am able to do without my mask is care for my family.  I am perfectly at peace surrounded by the five I am responsible for.  It seems as if the day to day care of my family can calm the turmoil that is churning within.  I know many do not understand it, sometimes even I don't.  My home has truly been my mental safety zone during the past year.

I have learned much about myself.  Much of it I do not like, but will not be sharing (you know, because of the mask ;)).  I am certainly not the person I had set myself on a pedestal to be.  With the Lord's help, I am determined to change the ugly things inside of me.  I have poured myself out to him this past year until I have been completely emptied. Body, soul, mind, and spirit.  Empty.  I don't know if the Lord has ever brought you to this place, but it is not a pretty one.  My husband has been there with me during this bleak walk.  I am not sure where I would be without him.  When I would lay in bed for hours and be unable to stop the tears, I would hear him praying for me. Day after day. Week after week.  Month after month.  The Lord knew just who I needed.

1.  I have learned that even when I do not like myself, God does.  Again, this is a mystery to me.  I do not know the how and why, yet I know that His love never ends.  I know He is not always pleased with me, yet He still loves me.  After being "in church" all my life, I have come to a place where mercy and grace are very real.  The newness of it each day has been astounding at times. Mercy and grace become so real when you  NEED them.  Perhaps this is the first time in my life that I have really needed them.  Like air and water.  Need.  The Bible tells me that they follow, pursue, chase after me.  Even when I am running from them.

2.  I have learned the importance of being steadfast.  I began to feel this inward battle in early February.  I remember crying out to the Lord in utter anguish.  In my frustration, I told him that even though I did not feel Him in my situation that I would still do what I knew to do.  I would still be right there on my knees each day even if it seemed my prayers were not reaching the ceiling.  Little did I know that I would still be feeling this same frustration and fighting these same battles at the close of the year.  Yet, I have continued to be steadfast in this season. Perfect, no - steadfast, yes.  My daily motto has been, "One day at a time."  I tell myself, "Just make it through this day, and you can go to bed!"  Seriously.  Face tomorrow when it comes.  I apologize if this post tears down the Christian image.  But this Christian is walking a hard path, fighting my biggest enemy - myself.  There is power in putting one foot in front of the other, and steadfastly continuing on.  Remember the tortoise and the hare?  One step/day at a time finally brought victory.  I do plan to make it to the finish line. 

3.  I have learned to stop and think before I criticize.  This Pinterest quote sums it up beautifully...Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."  How many times have a looked at someone during their situation and thought lofty thoughts? They should be over it by now.  They are only thinking of themselves.  They should be stronger, smarter, more mature.  Don't they realize they have a family?  We are not the all knowing knower.  We have NO IDEA what others are facing.  Battles are real.  Be kind.  I feel the Lord has given me more compassion for others struggles and shortcomings.  When I see my own as I have, I realize the need to work on me instead of them. 

Therefore, I am taking my lessons learned into 2014 with me.  I can honestly say that my inward battle is not over.  Turning the new page into the New Year has not solved my issues.  But, I will continue to strive one day at a time. Not only am I taking lessons learned into 2014, but sermons that have been preached.  I went to church empty the majority of the year.  No one knew I was empty, because my mask was firmly in place.  The Lord always had something waiting for me.  Sermons about Hard Seasons from Bro. Erickson.  An in depth study of Being in the Fire from Bro. Pollock, and Staying in the Middle of the Merry Go Round from Bro. Toney.  He knew right where I was.  He is able to see beyond the mask. 

I encourage you (and myself) to take 2014 one day at a time.  We don't have to run to perfection, only strive for it.  The lessons we learn along the way will be priceless.  They will help us to be the person the Lord is continually molding.  One day we will be able to leave our mask at the finish line, and live unmasked in the victory that we have won!