Unmasked

I am interrupting Riley's 13 Memories with an end of the year/New Year blog.  I have promised myself that I am going to finish them SOON!  Perhaps they will be one of my many New Year's Goals!

Christmas is over.  We had a wonderful one.  Now, like most of you, I am thinking back over the old year and looking towards this new one.  January is always refreshing.  I can honestly say that some of my most memorable spiritual experiences have happened in the cold month of January.

I am not posting this post to facebook.  I have a feeling it is going to be a bit open and very REAL.  I really have no desire to share it with my facebook world, but if someone stumbles across it in my blog world, then I pray it will minister to you. 

I am removing my mask in this post.  The mask that I like to keep in place, so everyone thinks I have it all together.  I must admit that I am good at wearing my mask.  I let it slip off in front of very few people.  I had to duct tape, staple, and at times, super glue it into place in the year of 2013.

There is one place that I do not wear my mask and that is in my home.  I have spent more time in my home in the past year than ever.  There were many days that I was mentally unable to leave, other than to take the kids to and from school.  Seriously.  Just the thought of facing others seemed too overwhelming.  One thing I am able to do without my mask is care for my family.  I am perfectly at peace surrounded by the five I am responsible for.  It seems as if the day to day care of my family can calm the turmoil that is churning within.  I know many do not understand it, sometimes even I don't.  My home has truly been my mental safety zone during the past year.

I have learned much about myself.  Much of it I do not like, but will not be sharing (you know, because of the mask ;)).  I am certainly not the person I had set myself on a pedestal to be.  With the Lord's help, I am determined to change the ugly things inside of me.  I have poured myself out to him this past year until I have been completely emptied. Body, soul, mind, and spirit.  Empty.  I don't know if the Lord has ever brought you to this place, but it is not a pretty one.  My husband has been there with me during this bleak walk.  I am not sure where I would be without him.  When I would lay in bed for hours and be unable to stop the tears, I would hear him praying for me. Day after day. Week after week.  Month after month.  The Lord knew just who I needed.

1.  I have learned that even when I do not like myself, God does.  Again, this is a mystery to me.  I do not know the how and why, yet I know that His love never ends.  I know He is not always pleased with me, yet He still loves me.  After being "in church" all my life, I have come to a place where mercy and grace are very real.  The newness of it each day has been astounding at times. Mercy and grace become so real when you  NEED them.  Perhaps this is the first time in my life that I have really needed them.  Like air and water.  Need.  The Bible tells me that they follow, pursue, chase after me.  Even when I am running from them.

2.  I have learned the importance of being steadfast.  I began to feel this inward battle in early February.  I remember crying out to the Lord in utter anguish.  In my frustration, I told him that even though I did not feel Him in my situation that I would still do what I knew to do.  I would still be right there on my knees each day even if it seemed my prayers were not reaching the ceiling.  Little did I know that I would still be feeling this same frustration and fighting these same battles at the close of the year.  Yet, I have continued to be steadfast in this season. Perfect, no - steadfast, yes.  My daily motto has been, "One day at a time."  I tell myself, "Just make it through this day, and you can go to bed!"  Seriously.  Face tomorrow when it comes.  I apologize if this post tears down the Christian image.  But this Christian is walking a hard path, fighting my biggest enemy - myself.  There is power in putting one foot in front of the other, and steadfastly continuing on.  Remember the tortoise and the hare?  One step/day at a time finally brought victory.  I do plan to make it to the finish line. 

3.  I have learned to stop and think before I criticize.  This Pinterest quote sums it up beautifully...Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."  How many times have a looked at someone during their situation and thought lofty thoughts? They should be over it by now.  They are only thinking of themselves.  They should be stronger, smarter, more mature.  Don't they realize they have a family?  We are not the all knowing knower.  We have NO IDEA what others are facing.  Battles are real.  Be kind.  I feel the Lord has given me more compassion for others struggles and shortcomings.  When I see my own as I have, I realize the need to work on me instead of them. 

Therefore, I am taking my lessons learned into 2014 with me.  I can honestly say that my inward battle is not over.  Turning the new page into the New Year has not solved my issues.  But, I will continue to strive one day at a time. Not only am I taking lessons learned into 2014, but sermons that have been preached.  I went to church empty the majority of the year.  No one knew I was empty, because my mask was firmly in place.  The Lord always had something waiting for me.  Sermons about Hard Seasons from Bro. Erickson.  An in depth study of Being in the Fire from Bro. Pollock, and Staying in the Middle of the Merry Go Round from Bro. Toney.  He knew right where I was.  He is able to see beyond the mask. 

I encourage you (and myself) to take 2014 one day at a time.  We don't have to run to perfection, only strive for it.  The lessons we learn along the way will be priceless.  They will help us to be the person the Lord is continually molding.  One day we will be able to leave our mask at the finish line, and live unmasked in the victory that we have won! 

Tethered to Him in 2013

Happy New Year!  2012 is over??  Seems impossible!  Everyone, everywhere is having New Year discussions of change, blank pages, resolutions, diets, and reorganization.  A new beginning...so fresh and clean!  Last year, I chose to pick a "word for the year" instead of making resolutions.  I think the Lord was chuckling when I chose the word CONSISTENCY for 2012.   http://pressonponderings.blogspot.com/2012/01/happy-new-year-2012.html.  It turned out to be a roller coaster of a year due to ruptured discs and a little girl.

 

Like the rest of you, I have so many changes and ideas for 2013.  I tossed around the idea for another "word for the year." However, after reading January 1 of my new devotion book, (you will probably be hearing frequently from my 2013 devotional!) I have decided to have a mental image for the year.  An image that is tucked away in my mind to help me as I attempt to reach new goals and plans. 

 

The following is part of the prayer in my book for January 1st...

 

Lord, I'm looking forward to this New Year.  It is full of promise and hope...challenges that will surely come...I know you have all the courage, strength, faithfulness, and love I need to meet each moment from a perspective of peace.  I just need to stay TETHERED to you in prayer.  Listening for your spirit to guide me...That's the key to a good day, a good year - a good life.

 

That word TETHERED jumped off of the page and took me wwwaayyy back to elementary school.  Our school playground was the typical late 70's playground.  A basketball hoop, dangerous monkey bars, swings, a cold metal slide, and squares painted on the pavement for the game of 4-square.  However, the favorite playground activity consisted of a pole mounted in the concrete with a rope attached to the top, and a yellow ball attached at the other end of the rope.  The tether ball.  We would anxiously await our turn for a chance to hit the ball to see if we could wrap it around the pole.  That poor ball took such a beating at times, especially from the bigger boys.  However, no matter how many times it was hit, smashed, or punched.  It never came loose from the rope. 

 

I need to stay tethered to the Lord in prayer in 2013.  Life might send me a hit and send me sailing off into the air. As long as I am tethered to Him, then my thoughts, actions and reactions will continually take me back to where I need to be. One definition of tethered is to be fastened so that you will stay in the set radius.  Tethered to God in prayer will keep me in the radius that God has set for me.  There is no place I'd rather be in the year 2013!  All of my plans, goals, and inspirations will be filtered and accomplished thru the connection that I keep to Him! 

 

"He who has learned to pray has learned

the greatest secret of a holy and happy life." 

William Law

Happy New Year 2012!

Hooray!  Tomorrow is January 1st!  Well, at least it is MY January 1st.  Due to sickness and other family situations we are just now beginning our "new year changes."  ANNDD, I am ready for them!  I must admit that I have not written down a list of "resolutions," although I have many swirling and twirling around in my thought patterns.  However, I love the idea of choosing a word for the year. 

The idea behind a word of the year is to stay focused on it on a daily basis and let it flavor your entire year.  There are so many beautiful, creative, inspiring and even fun words to choose from. Resplendent, grace, thankful, serene, tranquil, and so on.  How pleasant would it be to think on and attempt "serene" each and every day in the midst of my boy-filled world.  It makes me feel mellow just thinking about it. 

However, I tried to focus on the improvements that needed to take place in my life.  I thought back on the challenges of the past year and how the outcome would have been if I had reacted differently.  I concentrated on the desire of getting from point A to point B.  I came up with a very boring, unromantic, non-exciting word.  Yet, it challenged me. 

CONSISTENCY - [kuhn-sis-tuhn-see]  steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.: ex. There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.

A spirit of steadfastness!  That is exactly what I am expecting of myself in 2012!  Begin the POSITIVE in all areas of my life...and just keep doing it day after day after day after day.  Not too difficult when you think about it!  Consistency in the improvement of changes that I can make for my health, consistency in keeping my family on a schedule that will keep the happy level up and the stress level down, and keeping the same course in tending to my home. Keeping on a steady course in my spiritual walk and ministry responsibilities is certainly on the top of my consistency list.  I will encourage my children to embrace consistency!  Maybe I will even blog with a bit more consistency!  Many times I start the New Year out with a BaNg and about mid February I run out of steam!  I am hoping my word for the year will inspire me to continue on in my well doing.

Perhaps my word for 2013 will be a lovely word such as quiescent, which means peaceful.  Good thing I have a whole year to attempt that one!  Prayers and good wishes to all of you that want to make YOU a better servant for HIS work and will!

Just want to thank Him!

The Pressons, along with the rest of the world, will be saying goodbye to the past year and having high expectations for 2012.  Each new year is a huge clean slate.  The promise of change, reevaluating, and renewing is intoxicating.  We walk through the memories of the past year, and wonder where the new one will take us.

In all honestly, our 2011 began very bleak.  Clark and I were desperate for a miracle, and knew that we had nothing else to do, but put it in the Lord's hands.  I am thankful to say that the Lord did give us exactly the miracle that we needed.  It was not a small miracle, it was one of those HUGE, only God can do, kind of miracles.  The kind that you weep, travail, and fast for years, kind of miracle.  To God be the glory!!  I can not thank Him enough for placing this miracle in our hands.  May I never forget what it felt like to need this miracle.  May I always show compassion for others that are desperate for their own miracle, just as we were desperate.  I am so thankful for this trial that Clark and I faced, because it taught to us to reach further, stretch our faith, be more of what the Lord wants us to be.  It showed both of us necessity of relying fully on Him, because the next trial will require it.  More strength for the journey.

I hesitated to post this blog.  In fact, part of me feels guilty for knowing so many of my friends "end of the year reminiscing" is not ending on such a high note.  However, to those of you that are still in the thick of your trial, please be encouraged that HE IS ABLE.  He knows, He cares, He listens, He provides the need, and He does take us to the mountain for rejoicing after leading us through the valley.

As we begin a new year, let's put our needs in His capable hands once again, and fully trust Him.  Trust God with all your heart, your soul and might. You and I can not solve every situation. We can not fix everything that is broken. Only God can. He promised us that He can bring peace, and can give us the deepest desires of our hearts. He can redeem the years the locusts have eaten, and He delights in blessing, YOU,  his faithful child!  Happy New Year to you and yours!  May you grow in Him through life's valleys, and let all of rejoice with you on your mountaintops in 2012!