Letting Go of the Rope...

Why is it sometimes difficult to believe that God cares about the small details of our lives? Sometimes I feel I have more faith for the BIG stuff then I do the SMALL stuff! Death, disease, and disaster...no problem for God. But today I have been playing tug of war with God over one of the little things. My middle man Riley has a little speech trouble. He is very aware of the problem and is constantly troubled by it. And in the past couple of weeks he has developed a very noticeable stutter in addition to the other difficulty. His frustration gets to the point that he gives up in mid-sentence when he can not over come the stuttering. When my boys hurt, I hurt.

The Lord has renewed my faith several times today, by bringing instances to mind that prove to me that Riley is in HIS hands. Riley has suffered with asthma all of his 8 years of life. There was a particular circumstance when he was 2 that came to my mind today. I was battling cancer at the time, and Riley's asthma had flared up. I was to be in Memphis the next morning at 6 a.m. for my second surgery to try to remove the remaining cancer from my throat. I did not want to leave my sick little man. Riley's breathing became so labored that we knew we would have to take him to the ER. We were a sight! My sister had to take me into the hospital in a wheel chair and Clark carried Riley in. The nurses did not know who to take care of first! The ER doctor told me at midnight that Riley was going to need to be admitted. I was devastated at the thought of my baby being in one hospital, and me being in another 75 miles away. I begged the doctor not to admit him. He told me if they could get his oxygen level up to the 90's then he could go home. I remembered how we prayed and watched it steadily climb to 94. Riley was able to go home and be under the care of his Nana Presson while I returned to Baptist Hospital in Memphis for the next several days. I know the Lord touched my son that night in a very real way.

The Lord also brought to my mind yet another asthma incident. Riley's worst one ever. About a year and a half ago Riley's asthma took a quick turn, so I took him to his pediatrician. He upped all of his meds and added an extra steroid. Two hours later, we were at home and Riley began having a severe attack. The coughing and the gasping were unlike anything I had ever heard before. Fear and I got to know each other really well that night. Clark was working late so my niece Leslie called 911. My sweet, sweet son looked at me and said, "Mama, I'm not going to make it through this one." Those are words a mother never imagines hearing. I immediately responded that yes he was going to make it, all the while calling on the name above all names. The Lord had already stepped in the room before the EMT could get to our house. As they rushed into the house with oxygen and whisked us off to Knoxville Children's Hospital, I knew that the miracle worker had triumphed over fear once again.

Then the tug of war began. I was thanking the Lord for the miracles that he brought to mind, reminding Him that these were BIG things (like he didn't already know that)...and I questioned him about handling this small thing. I went through the evening thanking him for the miracle, yet doubting him in this "little"need. I read a quick devotion before bed, and the first sentence was..."WHAT MATTERS TO YOU MATTERS TO GOD." It went on to say "Who am I to tell the great God of the universe my little problem? " Mr. Max Lucado proceeded to tell me...

I am an heir of God.

I have a crown.

I am a holy priest.

I was chosen before the creation.

And more importantly than any of the above, I am God's child. As a result, if something is important to me, it's important to God.

So Lord, here is the rope. I'm declaring you the winner of tug-of-war. I'm putting Riley's speech troubles in your hands. I am believing you for the small things. Thank you for loving my son more than I ever could. He was your child long before he was mine. What matters to him, matters to you.