Boy's Burps and Brains

The waiting room at the doctor's office was busy, as usual. A young couple walked in with a brand new baby boy. He was adorable. His parents thought so too! They were very much in love with one another and their newest addition. Every few seconds they would kiss his soft pink cheeks and then kiss each other! You could certainly feel the love. The little guy made a tiny groan and instantly a bottle was produced from the very organized diaper bag. After a few minutes of more kissing, snuggling, and feeding, it was time for a burp. The new dad patted and patted the tiny back, but no burp. The new parents became very anxious that their little bundle was not burping! The dad begin to walk the floor and pat him on the back. Then the pretty new mom, with her burp cloth perfectly positioned tried to coax out the burp to no avail. By this time, the whole waiting room was anticipating the burp! Finally, the dad tried once more, and the little guy let out a big, manly burp! The entire room breathed a sigh of relief. The parents promptly began rejoicing as if their boy finished his first marathon. More kissing and hugging ensued.

I couldn't help but smile. There is nothing as special as that first baby feeling! It is a life-changing, eye-opening, never forgotten moment. I looked down at the magazine article I had been engrossed in before the butterfly kisses family had joined the office waiting game. "The Teen Brain." I glanced over at the couple again, and sighed. I was far from the new born experiences, yet it didn't seem like it was that long ago. 

My oldest is a few months away from fourteen.  He is experiencing daily changes.  Voice, feet, mood swings, monstrous appetite, etc.  I am trying to be patient in this, however, it is quite the experience for me.  I have never been a teenage boy.  As usual, when I am overwhelmed I start searching books and magazines for help.  Thus, "The Teen Brain."  I found many pointers that I thought might help those of striving to make a heart connection with our teens. 

The article assured me that if you feel like your teen is unable to remember the slightest instructions, can't keep track of their stuff, and has forgotten all manners you have tried to instill, DO NOT WORRY!  They are perfectly NORMAL - their brain has not completely developed!  I know, hard to believe with all of the other developing going on!  According, to Dr. Doris Trauner, the brain does not complete development until a person reaches his or her mid to late 20's.  The frontal lobe and parietal cortex both are involved in what's known as executive functioning - the ability to perform tasks such as planning, paying attention, and reasoning.  This part does not develop until late teens or early twenties.  "Yes, a child or teenager can plan and remember, but not as well as you would like them to."  Trauner says, "It doesn't mean you shouldn't have expectations.  But if they make mistakes, cut them a little slack." 

I'm sure I am not the only mom out there that feels like I spend too much time nagging about one thing or another.  Here are a few pointers to help our teens avoid brain glitches.

 - Set limits.  Because the teen brain is still developing in response to experience, you can actually help shape it by setting clear limits and providing precise guidelines for what is and is not acceptable.  

(I especially liked this.  I am a big fan of crystal clear details!)

-Model behavior.  This was described in the article as being just as important as setting limits.  The intelligent Dr. Trauner used many big words on this one.  To simplify, I need to act how I want my children to act.  I need to respond to situations in ways that I would want them to respond.  Easier said than done, but as a mother, it is my duty to set the example. 

-Teach cause and effect.  Thinking about possible consequences of our actions before we do them is an important executive function.  A good way to teach your teen this, Trauner says, is to simply list some possible consequences to an action.  Bro. Pamer taught at our church's last marriage retreat.  He talked on something that I will never forget, and that I hope to instill in my boys.  When making decisions, play the movie.  In  other words, imagine how life will be in a few weeks, months, or years.  How is your decision going to effect your life in the long run?  Play the movie!

In the midst of telling my teen to put his clothes in the hamper for the umpteenth time, help him realize that Arithmetic is more important than Xbox,  to respond in a kind way to his brothers even though his emotions are topsy turvy, and the list goes on;  I am going to remind myself to set limits, model behavior, teach cause and effects, and play the movie. 

For those of you that are still in the baby burping stage, do not roll your eyes.  You will be here before you know it!  By the way, I really wish that my dad had known that my brain was not fully developed as a teen when I locked my keys in the car for the zillionth time.  Hmmm, perhaps I am reaping what I have sown!